spiritual catharsis

My nerves are high. I have no control over the next few steps of my life, and instead have to hope that the effort I’ve put in already will see me through. It’s nerve-racking for a control freak like myself. But rather than be able to sit back and distract myself with entertainments or busy-work, I ended up doing some serious spiritual catharsis, and cleaned my room.

Now here’s the scary part—I haven’t cleaned my room since probably last year. I’ve done minor tidy-ups, and maybe vacuumed a couple times (the parts I could get to at least), but my room has been a pit of clutter. I wouldn’t call it particularly dirty, although dusty would definitely be an appropriate modifier. Most of the clothes and papers on the floor and around the desk and dresser were clean, just all over the place. But no more… It took me 4+ hours (with a couple breaks) to shuffle and re-shuffle the different clutter into manageable segments that I could organize. Somehow it’s all done… I even vacuumed under the bed. Everything is folded or hung up, although I still have a full laundry basket. The desk is more or less organized, as are the dresser and bedside table. The bed is made.

As I’ve been connecting everything from my weight to my car problems to my emotional state of distress, why not connect this too. Sure, cleaning my room was busy work to keep myself from freaking out entirely. Sure, it was long overdue to be done. But why did I wake up this morning knowing that I would do it, and then actually come through on it? It might seem like a stretch, but in my deepest core I know that the room was a mess because my mind was a mess. I’m starting to get things figured out again. I’ve got a path again. I know what I want again. So now the room was the only thing still needing to be caught up to speed. It’s really interesting to me to see how much I manifest things in my life to so clearly represent my emotional state. I can only hope that things will continue the way they are going—that the room will stay clean and all my worrying will be for naught.