closed doors

Closed
Originally uploaded by arirose

Sometimes, even when the new year is beginning, I feel like I am staring down all of the possibilities that will never be. Lately, I've felt frustrated at home, in my job, and even in my creative endeavors. I haven't written much of anything beyond what I'm posting on here and what I've been scribbling in my journal over the last week, and while I feel incredibly uplifted by the activity of writing every day in my journal and by participating in Project 366, there is still a bit of me lagging. Part of the frustration comes from not being able to let go--I can't let go and just scribble, I can't let go of the daily grind of work, and I can't let go of the frustration of walking into a messy apartment that's only half (or maybe a third) my fault.

Today just felt like a million doors slammed in my face. I woke up late and missed a bus because I didn't feel good, but whining about maybe fighting off a cold doesn't get you any leeway. I fought my way through work, but since there really isn't enough work for 5 people to be occupied constantly, the lull periods caught up with me and allowed me to wallow in feeling crappy. Of course, now that I am home and have laid around watching TV and relaxing all night, I am feeling better. I feel like I'm allergic to work, yet, even when there are lull periods, I get nothing done that is actually productive, work-wise or personally. Maybe eight months in is about time to take a real vacation.

...so after a day of dreary boredom, closed doors, and frustration, it's time to start looking for the open window.