trapped in an eddy, watching the water sweep past

God I hate inertia.

To get out of my current situation, I need to run full speed ahead into something else (job applications namely), but in my current state of stasis it's seeming less and less likely. I'm vacillating constantly between wanting another lab job (further the career I'm starting to hate and all...) and wanting to ditch life via a 20-30 hour a week part time job that provides enough benefits, salary, and time to live for a few months unencumbered by the real world. The lab job would provide me with the chance to save more money for a long-term goal (ie house, long vacation, etc), while with a reduced salary and work time, I might have to chisel into my savings account, depending on how long the "unencumbered" phase lasts. The pros and cons could go on forever... and trust me, I could go on debating forever. I'm stuck knee deep in muck and getting out is not getting any easier. In fact, it's only going to get harder the longer I stand in one place.

So it boils down to one question: what would spark me into action?

Option 1: Utter desperation. Current situation becomes beyond unbearable and I send out a job app or two, get interviews and get a new, potentially more miserable, potentially less miserable job. This could potentially take months and would be very similar to my job search last year.

Option 2: Determination to get off the train. I make the decision to step off the career path, find a viable part-time position with benefits, and write my 2-week's notice as soon as I can. This requires decision-making and risk-taking skills beyond what I've shown lately, but not beyond what I'm capable (note the "viable" part of the job...).

Option 3: The discovery of my undying passion. Basically, figure out what the hell I am supposed to do with my life and take every step necessary to get there. This is my ideal situation, but the option that I am ever growing further from the longer I continue to feel soul-crushed.

So the obvious choice to me is getting off the train. There's a chance it will fail miserably and I'll be right back where I started. Only I won't be. I'll be somewhere else. Not here. And I will have learned something about myself, even if it's not what I want to learn. The worst of it will be enduring the opinions that will inevitably develop from people who know me. Some will be happy that I'm trying to be happy, but some will think that I am derailing off a great path. I'll have to chose not to let them get to me. I'll have to chose not to let my own voices get to me.

We'll have to see, won't we?